Blog #5 "Complimenting - A Positive Politeness Strategy"

In Janet Homles' article about complimenting, she says “it seems that in America compliments on appearance may be experienced by males as very big face-threatening acts”. She continues by saying that the biggest reason men do not often compliment each other on appearance is to avoid the assumption that they are homosexual. I have experienced these claims first hand in my life, but I have also found an exception that I would like to point out. In my experience, when it comes to men complimenting other men, the closeness, or intimacy, of the relationship is a huge factor. For example, when I recently told my classmate Owen that I liked his goatee but that I thought he would look even better without it, he ignored the compliment and even looked around to make sure nobody else was paying attention to our conversation. He looked rather embarrassed and did not talk to me much after that. On the other hand, when I recently told my brother that I liked the way he styled his hair, he said “thanks, I’m trying something new”. My words and intentions were very similar, but the reactions to my compliments were very different. I think that if the two men have a close and longstanding relationship with each other, then a compliment is more likely to be taken as an act of solidarity. But if it is a casual, recent relationship, then a compliment is much more likely to be taken as a face-threatening, possibly homosexually based act. In my mind, a compliment should be accepted for the content of the words and not for the meaning behind them because there is far too much variability in what is “meant” by a compliment.